After over a year and half of reading other people’s blogs, I decided that it was finally time to talk about my own journey through life, fitness and recovery.
I’d say that I grew up pretty active playing soccer and skiing at a young age. I loved the intensity, competitiveness, and endurance it gave me. Unfortunately, with being so active, I failed to nourish my body with the correct and essential nutrients. Many would describe me as a picky eater. Someone who only eats “tan” food. What does this mean you ask? I despised fruits and vegetables. I refused to eat them, the taste was repulsing. Basically, I went 23 years without putting hardly any fruits and vegetables into my system. Apples, bananas, potatoes (if that counts) and corn were the only foods in this category that I enjoyed to eat. All of the other food categories were fair game in my book!
Let’s fast forward a few years to high school. My eating habits were still the same, I was still active playing soccer and working out religiously. Unfortunately, by senior year I knew something was wrong. I was eating the same, working out for hours a day, but gaining weight, fatigued, and had constant cold hands and feet. I slept more than any other person my age. My dad decided it was time to go to a naturopath and get some blood work done. It was ruled that I had Candida. Candida can be described as a fungus in your stomach that feeds and grows off of carbohydrates and sugar from what you eat.
Unfortunately, the only way to get ride of Candida is to go on a restrictive diet that has a limited amount of yeast, carbohydrates and sugar. Basically, I would need to live off of greens and protein. Going back to my picky eating, greens weren’t high up on my food pedestal. It was advised to be on this “diet” for three months. I’ll admit changing what I ate was a struggle, I constantly was analyzing my carb intake like a fox. My eating routine basically revolved around protein bars and drinks. Healthy? Absolutely not.
After a month, my weight dropped significantly. People noticed my weight loss and kept asking what was going on. I gave them the simple explanation that I was sick. Telling everyone that I had some sort of fungus in my stomach in high school wouldn’t be the best way of explaining it. Months went on and my weight dropped even more. I started to like my new body and this is where it spiraled out of control. My brain decided that carbs were bad and that in order to stay skinny; I’d need to continue to workout and eat less carbs and restrict my intake. After graduating from high school, I would be attending WashingtonStateUniversity in the fall of 2006. That summer, I went on a trip to see family on the east coast and started prepping for college life. My eating routine stayed the same and people began to talk about my eating and how I was not eating enough. Mentally, I liked it when people noticed even though I knew they may be right. This is when the eating disorder began to take over.
The scariest part for many freshman college students is gaining the “freshman fifteen.” For me, I knew this could never happen. Over at WSU, I missed my family, boyfriend, and became depressed. I never ate and I continued to drop weight pretty quickly. I hit my lowest point of 102 pounds and I am 5’7’’. My ribs, hip bones, and shoulder blades stuck out. I have no energy and was always tired. However, in the mirror I thought I was “fat.” Crazy I know. Ultimately, I acknowledged that I was anorexic. However, changing my lifestyle again would be the biggest battle of all.
Let’s just say I’ve put my body through a lot. I was diagnosed with hypothalamic amenorrhea in 2007, continued to battle depression, the war with food and my weight. Right now in my life, I am not perfect nor do I have 100% control of my thoughts about food and weight. I’ve become better by allowing carbs in my diet, trying new foods and gaining weight. However, those thoughts about how I used to look do creep up from time to time.
Fast forward to 2013, I wouldn’t say I’ve made 180 regarding my body image struggles, but I am making actions to become healthier. I started running a few years back and it has been the most rewarding activity throughout my recovery. The outdoors makes me feel free of all the stresses and hardships. I decided to write this blog to reflect my past struggles and future accomplishments. Stay tuned if you’d like to learn more about my road to recovery and finding myself.